Hate, I think, is mostly anger left simmering on a huge vat of clusterfuck for an extended period of time. In small doses, hate can will the mind to go on. On larger doses, it can destroy, not just the person but the people around him.

Many people tend to think hate is such a bad thing. Like it eats the insides and robs the soul of feelings. However, I know that hate is not such a bad thing at all. It does not weaken a person’s resolve, it strengthens it. For the most part, hate can will a person to go on despite the trials andΒ  tribulations that comes his way. I understand that hate can decay the soul but it can empower the mind. Hate wills one to survive when feelings start to drift off.

Sometimes being indifferent pays off. People are often too careless with their feelings and it make them weak. They let their feelings dictate what they should do in their lives and when things go batshit, they lose. On the other hand, I saw what has come of people who claim they are devoid of feelings. They only see things in black and white and though that is not necessarily a bad thing, they do lead a sad life.

I’ve been on a queer, introspective mood these past couple of weeks mostly because I’ve been feeling homesick. I’m tired. But then again, I hate too. I’m indescribably angry at people and sometimes I wonder when it will stop. Not that I want it to stop. In fact, I think hate is justifiable, particularly so if the subject of your ire never took the initiative to be the person he ought to be.

Sometimes I wish I was more of a sunny, shiny person. You know the type, forgiving, diplomatic, careless. I don’t think I know precisely where sunny ended and cynicism started. I’m just sorting out my feelings at this point, the weather is willing me to do it.

A friend told me that I’m a very cold person, that despite the maniacal laugh and the friendly banter, I am a cunning, cold person. I think for the first time, one person outside my family knew what I’m really like. I wasn’t offended at all, in fact, I was impressed because he saw right through me. He told me it wouldn’t hurt to care more about other people but the thing that he does not understand is that it is hard for me to care. People have a label for that, a bitch. That’s basically it. Caring is too careless and just like Sub-zero Nel, I chose to be cunning instead.

Sometimes I am caught by surprise how much people care so much. They don’t seem to be faking it. Sometimes I do. Well, on a superficial level, I do care. But deep down I know I don’t or at least not a normal person would. It’s kind of weird and scary at the same time. I’m finding it hard to find the right words. I want to kick some ass today. I just thought about it, I literally want to kick ass, bash someone’s teeth in and wipe my bloodied shoe on the wall and laugh, that’s what I want. I wish I wasn’t such a lazy cat and enroll in a Karate class or something so I can vent.

I hate quietly hating everything. Does that even make sense? People have their shit and they dump them off to others so that they can regroup and feel better about themselves, it’s amusing to me. They look for meaning through other people’s point of view when there is none.

People, after all, need people and sometimes, I can feel for the unfortunate prick how gets dumped on with shit. Ultimately, people with issues, those that let it out to other people, are just selfish. They choose to harp on and on, not minding the fact that they have been telling and re-telling the accounts of their lives to people who are not genuinely interested. I wonder why almost all people have the inherent need to be heard. Even those that claim that they don’t. They do, they always do. It’s one thing to let people in and know for a fact that what you have to say can infinitely change lives, like Obama, for instance. However, spewing nonsense is another.

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