I Just Miss The Noise
It’s only been a little over a week after I took the new gig and already I’m regretting it. I know it’s only a matter of time before I’m bound to find something to complain about. Today is that day. First off, and I can’t believe I’m saying this after all the griping I did in the past but… I miss the hustle and bustle of city living. I miss it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m finding myself bored to tears most of the time or that I have almost no friends to hang-out with but I miss the city. I won’t go as far as say that I’ll throw in the towel because I just got started with the new gig and shit.
Another thing is that, the client wanted to up the ante and imposed a much higher quota on us. That would’ve been okay with me if the work itself isn’t that much of a fucking bitch. Truth be told, I can’t do much more of what they ask. It’s bad enough that I was forced to go back peddling porn. That I was misled, yet again, by Lui. He promised me they only want half of the imposed quota. Now it ballooned to double its original number. I hate it. I know I should just quit, knowing full well there is absolutely nothing that this job can offer me except money. But that’s all I need right now.
Quitting is out of the question. Maybe in the coming months I will have that luxury but not today. I’m left with no choice but to somehow find a way to settle this shit. My first solution is to commision a fellow writer to do a quarter of the post for me. I got one on my first try. I’m praying she takes my offer because there’s only so much bad news I can take today.
A friend/collegue of mine chastised me for writing filth. Funny thing, when he talks to me regarding this shit, it felt like I’m just listening to the voice in my head (the sensible one, hehe). I appreciate his advice, I really do. It’s nice to know there’s at least one person in here that can really say it as it is.
Fact of the matter is, I’m fully aware of the consequences. I don’t really want anyone to remind me that this was a very stupid decision because that’s basically what I tell myself every waking hour. That there’s absolutely no chance in hell for me to improve my writing if I keep this up. That I’m back on square one. That I shouldn’t do something I hate it. That I should keep trying. That I shouldn’t settle for anything less. That I can do better.
I swear I will quit doing this and find a real job as soon as I recover all the money I lost during the time I was unemployed. Hopefully when that day comes, there will still be other opportunities.
God. I sound like a former addict who fell off the wagon, hehe.
I just lost my other sideline this morning. I was so busy with this project that I inadvertedly neglected my other duties hence, it was handed to someone else. It’s just too bad because though it pays so much lower, I enjoy doing the gig. It gives me some comfort because it takes my mind off smut. Alas, this isn’t my year.