Dark City Lights

After almost three weeks of seemingly endless negotiations, Toshiba finally relented. Yes, they will finally give me a new laptop, which I totally deserve after all the emotional stress they put me though. I’m pretty relieved that they gave the go-signal because as much as I intend on making good my threat of filing a complaint against them, I really don’t want to trouble anyone with lawsuits and such. Especially since the manager seemed to be a nice chap.

Then again, last time I checked 53 grand don’t grow on trees. I’m just glad the issue got resolved in the most diplomatic manner possible.

So there, hopefully this new lappy won’t break down for no apparent reason whatsoever. I’d be totally dismayed it that ever happens again. I should’ve just bought a damn Vaio.

The meeting last Saturday was boring except for a few laughs courtesy of this CSR agent. It was all a blur to me. Until I stood up to introduce myself, that is. I found that really awkward since I was never a fan of talking to a large group of people in that kind of setting. It reminded me the time I was one of the contender for Iweb’s hat party two years ago. God, the spotlight, the crowd, the stage, the gastritis. I’ll never forget that stupid day. Actually the Saturday meeting isn’t so bad as compared to that day but still, the unfamiliar clenching of my stomach whenever people make me speak in public is not something I can get used to. So anyways, tired and sleepy as I was, I managed to say something about working for five years. I’m not even sure why I chose to divulge that boring piece of trivia. I’m blaming my almost catatonic brain.

Also, attending that meeting made me realize how much I’ve alienated myself from the office folks these past two weeks. Everyone’s practically singing “We are Family” in there. One even dance. He was good but that’s not really the point.

It actually never occurred to me that most of these people are like, only two days old in the company and yet there they were. I stuck out like a sore thumb and I’m not quite sure what to make of that. I’ll never fit in, that one thing I’m sure of. The feeling that I don’t belong here anymore never really went away even after I bagged a job. I was actually thinking about that this morning as I was making my way home. I was staring at this newly-constructed building on Meralco Avenue, standing tall all shiny and new, when suddenly it hit me.

I realized I hate Ortigas now. I hate our apartment, I hate the noise, I hate the darkness, and I hate the very air I breathe. Three months of sabbatical and this is what I get. However, I don’t think it was a mistake that I spent three months in glorified bumhood. If anything, I clearly saw what I will become in the years ahead.

With all the new things going on in my life right now, it worries me that things are getting drearier and drearier for me. Not in the office setting per se but in general. I fear I will someday disappear into obscurity and the worst part is that I’m fine with that.

I also noticed that in writing, I’ve also became a bore. I read my posts, compared it with the old ones and the change was so obvious I couldn’t recognize my own work. It was… underwhelming.

Dark thoughts aside, the Webdate gang had a little reunion over the weekend. Obviously I wasn’t able to make it. However, I’m far from feeling left out. A wake is not really a nice setting for reunions and shit. Plus I was still mildly annoyed that one of them bailed out on the last minute because she felt it would be better if we all just go on Saturday instead of the day we originally agreed on. It’s a wake. There’s a dead person in there that we all need to pay our respect to. It’s not the right place for a long overdue chikahan bonanza.

Well, I dunno. Maybe I’m just being too old fashioned about all this. God, I’m zo uptight.