The Proverbial Ax, I Haz It.

… or something like that. The bad news is that I just had a sat down with the boss and it seems that they want me to go “on-call”, meaning that they were unable to find me a client for almost a month and I would have to stop pretending I’m working and wait it out until they score me a gig. The good news is that I have been anticipating this for months and I sure as hell saw this coming all the way from Pluto.

Personally, I know I am the weakest link among the four writers under my ex-bosses employ. I’ve been very vocal about just having a feeling that I’ll be the first to go since late November. It blows my mind how intuitive I can be sometimes.It’s not because I think my skills are far less superior compared to theirs, it’s just that my tendency to be such a hot head and my inability to tolerate stupidity and incompetence among my superiors didn’t help my cause.

My boss also tried to offer me some gig, the only catch was there will be no writing involved. I politely declined telling her that I know I won’t be happy doing something I don’t love and I hate doing half-assed work. She understood and told me to wait for their call. It would be unlikely for me to take that call seeing how badly they messed up my case. I’m having none of this again. Ever. I’m very dismayed. And livid. I can’t even articulate my feelings over this sudden bombshell. But you can bet I’ll try.

If there’s one thing I regret, it would be momentary lapse in judgment when I chose this gig over Iweb. Yes, I had to go that far. I know, I was too proud to admit it but I think that was a monumental mistake. People from my circle has grown tired of me harping out the same thing over and over again. I couldn’t help but drive myself crazy over this. I knew it was a bad idea but I was too tired, too angry, too disappointed and too impatient to think logically. So okay, I’ll admit it, I blew over my promotion, my increased salary and my annual increase just because my boss won’t let me chat with my friends. There, I admit it. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll be crawling back there any time soon asΒ  my ego can’t take anymore beating.I just wish that that would be the last time my impatience will ever win me over. Maybe the next time I get a bright idea, I’ll just keep it to myself and not act it out, hahahhaha!

There are some things I just don’t get. We discussed something errr… totally revealing and if there were anything in our conversation that hit me right in the heart it would be that. I wanted to scream something like, “WTFF, are you fucking kidding me?! God, no wonder your company is going down.” Frankly, I don’t feel bad about stopping from going to work because of the God-forsaken shift and and the overall instability of the company but I just hated the fact that they are a mess when it comes to managing their finances.

I’m angry over the fact that they bruised my ego so badly,Β  I’m totally re-evaluating my skills in writing. She told me nothing from all of the numerous writing auditions I did ever went through and you might think I sound totally condescending but I couldn’t, for the life of me… never mind, I won’t say it. I know that my skills had nothing to do with the whole calling off thing but really, I’m not taking any chances. And lastly I’m livid with the fact that I chose to stick with them knowing full well that I’d be the first to go just because I was too naive, thinking they’re bound to get their shit together after some time.

I want to go on a shopping spree or on a food trip, just to blow some steam but at this point, that wouldn’t be a good idea. I can’t be unemployed, broke and fat all at the same time. I want to walk out right now except it’s four in the fucking morning. Ghaaaaaaaad. I’ll just gnash my teeth quietly while I smoke up a riot until the dawn breaks. Fuck them.

Perhaps, my dream vacation might come true after all.