My Personal Culture Appreciation Program

I do recall that I’ve mentioned toying with the idea of signing myself up for a boxing or martial arts class. Lately, I’ve been giving serious thoughts about taking up Muay Thai. I know a friend who teaches this sort of Thai Boxing and I want to hire him as a personal coach. Thing is, rumor has it that he’s a gold medalist or something which means hiring him might be a little too expensive, hmft. So now I’m thinking of ways to get him at a bargain price, which is easier said than done. I don’t know if he’s interested on a one-on-one kind of setting but I sure as hell would try to convince him as soon as I made up my mind about taking this class seriously.

I find it weird that I am suddenly interested to learn the basics on how to properly kick asses. Op kors, I know to learn these kinds of schiz, one must have a sincere intention to discipline oneself and I know having the desire to beat up someone ain’t really the best intention in the world that’s why I need to think things over really, really hard before I can take this new interest seriously.

Moving on,  I’ve been watching one Jap telenovelas after another another as part of my uh… personal culture appreciation program. Yeah, because I’m hardcore like that. After finishing up a fifth serving of Jap series, I began to notice a pattern. Indeed, I did. All Japanese telenovelas will not be complete without:

1) Someone running around the goddamned metro as the drama reaches its peak. As seen in Hana Kimi, Gokusen, Nobuta, Hana Yori Dango. The main protagonist and/or pretty much anyone who’s a star in any Jap series runs the fuck around the metro to make amends/confront someone, completely oblivious to the fact that they live in Japan, the country who gave the world Honda, Nissan, Toyota, Mazda…. and Tamagotchies, for that matter. They run pretty fast too, I bet you won’t see Kristine Hermosa or KC conception doing those incredible tiring and pretty much overrated stunts, eh?

2) Japs loves clichés. Be it verbalizing their feelings, realizing their mistakes, or overcoming obstacles.They do it in the most gasgas-saradong way possible.

3) Japanese men are buck ugleh with an assholic ‘tude to match while Japanese women are compassionate and submissive but freakishly hawt. Oh, the injustice! Wrong on so many level!

4) Cheese, lots and lots of cringe-inducing cheese.

5) Japs loves doing things infront cheering crowds. Kissing in front of a cheering crowd, making amends in front of a cheering crowd, redeeming oneself in front of a cheering crowd, confessing their undying love and devotion in front of a cheering crowd, you get the picture.

6) Japanese can’t tell if a person is Korean or is one of their own. I shit thee not. I’ve seen two movies about it too which makes me an… expert. A master, if you will. (can’t tell you the title because it’s written in… surprise! Japanese, hahaha!)

7) A blazing apology (no matter how late) closely followed by a painfully lengthy explanation behind the apology, preferably with shitload of groveling and tears,makes everything all better no matter how grave the situation was, no matter how many lives were ruined, blahblablah…

8) At least a couple of times, somebody’s nose is bound to bleed. That, and/or somebody’s gonna be beaten up. No shit.

9) Every leading men in most series is/was/are/were originally part of a popular boy band. So if you come to think of it, if that fad is exercised here in good ol’ Pelepens there’s a great chance that Nexxus, Introvoys, April Boys and all the other 90’s boy band, may have a chance to resurrect their moldy, long-dead careers just.Like. That!

Here’s what I observed about Koreanovellas:

1) Male protagonist is an insanely rich snob who at first hates female protagonist but in a twist of fate, will begin to like and eventually fall in-love with female protagonist. Female protagonist is a feisty but compassionate girl who happens to be dirt-poor. Male protagonist’s dad is any of the following: dead, rules the family company with an iron fist, and in rare occassion, kind. His mom hates female protagonist’s guts. Meanwhile, female protagonist’s dad is a gambler/deadbeat while her mom is a submissive housewife.